


Long, Long Way From Home

by lightsaroundyourvanity



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 17:16:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/915923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightsaroundyourvanity/pseuds/lightsaroundyourvanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What makes an angel fall?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long, Long Way From Home

What makes an angel fall?  
  
For Anna, it begins with the touch of wingtips, with a sidelong glance from a knight in hell. She feels the first sparks of emotion then, of lust and uncertainty. Anna meets with Abaddon once, because God commands it, and because she is the commander of the garrison. She has earned the right to parlay. What she doesn’t expect is the sudden yearning, the instant draw of that twisted thing Abaddon once called a soul. It frightens her. Anna seeks revelation for a week of human time.  
  
So what makes an angel fall?  
  
A parlay turns into secret meetings, and then the brushing of grace against smoke. Anna wants. She has never wanted before. But Abaddon is fierce, and loyal, and utterly,  utterly, passionate. For the first time, Anna wants to take a vessel. She wants to feel soft lips against her own, and understand the carnal groans she knows so well from watching mankind propel. Abaddon would be beautiful in a vessel, Anna thinks. All that fire, and all that rage… Anna wonders how it would feel, to have all of that pressed into flesh and against flesh. For the first time, she feels doubt.  
  
What makes an angel fall?  
  
Doubt turns into hunger, and touching grace against smoke turns into something else, to a needy pull whenever they are in the same stratosphere. Anna wants Abaddon when she shouldn’t, when she should only want what God asks of her, when she is making her silent rounds of Earth, when she is preparing for battle. Lovestruck, she would call it, if she were human. But she is not human. She is an angel, and she is not supposed to feel.   
  
What makes an angel fall?  
  
Anna is being throttled into rebellion, as surely as Lucifer was. She questions her orders. She questions God. She questions everything, except for those stolen moments with Abaddon, when they curl around each other and Abaddon laughs as Anna sighs. Anna wonders if Abaddon wants her to the same extent. She doesn’t think it is the case. Abaddon doesn’t need Anna. Abaddon has Lucifer, Abaddon has Azazel, Abaddon had Alastair. What could she possibly want with an angel? This is how Anna learns jealousy, that hot, turgid force of destruction. She would rip apart anybody between them. She would court defiance if it meant keeping Abaddon to herself.  
  
This is how an angel falls.  
  
It’s too much, too much, too much. Anna is defying how she is built, as surely as she is defying God. But what cruelty is this, to design a being who is not allowed to want things? Anna knows what she feels for Abaddon is neither reverent nor gracious, but she feels it, and she thinks that ought to matter. She considers hell, shudders and discards it. She is still an angel, after all. Hell is not the place for her. But neither is heaven, not anymore.  
  
When Anna tears out her grace, she falls ten thousand feet, screaming the whole way down, and embraces the sweet agony that a flood of pure emotion can bring.


End file.
